I realised something important today

Dear Elrond,

As the title says, today I realised something very important. Honestly, it was something that I realised about fifteen minutes ago.

I have been struggling with my weight for a very long time. Pretty much since the start of puberty I’ve been piling it on and struggling desperately to take it back off again. Lately, it’s been more of the putting it on than the taking it off.

So I thought, what with all of my anxiety, that this was because of a comfort eating problem.  When I get anxious I do eat in a rather out of control way so I suppose that was a logical step for me to take.

I was diagnosed with Aspergers when I was 21 but I haven’t really sat down and figured out more about it than I already knew. It turns out that there is more to it than just having problems with socialising and social anxiety. Reading things written by other people who also have it, especially other females has been very enlightening.  Usually listening to people who actually have what you have is more informative than information available from professionals in my experience.

So now I realise that it’s not the food that I want, or necessarily the eating itself but the chewing sensation. Previous to this revelation I had thought that stimming (repetitive self-soothing activities) only included things like rocking and hand flapping. Apparently one of my biggest stims is chewing. It certainly explains the amount of chewing gum I went through in Secondary School.

Whenever I am anxious, whenever I am feeling like too much is going on, I put things in my mouth. I chew my cheeks. I bite the inside of my lip. I grind my teeth…

After this discovery, I wondered whether there was something, that I could use to replace my over eating and chewing gum (which I am terrified of accidentally aspirating). A quick search on the internet and I found out that you can get oral stimming things that are safe to chew on. Basically quite similar to baby teething things. Not the ones filled with water but the more durable hard silicone ones.

I’m thinking about trying this out. Maybe it will help me to gain control over my weight.

 

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